Being a mother is not easy but giving up is NEVER an option!!!
February 12, 2018
Being a mother can be very rewarding and also challenging and stressful. As mothers we spend and dedicate our entire lives, time, energy, and love to our children. We love them and we go to the ends of the earth to provide for them, support them, shelter, comfort, nurture, teach and try to be better than our parents were to us. We are not taught how to be mothers we learn how to be a mother through our experiences and mistakes.
We are told the lie that there is no guide book to life when exactually there is a guide book to life the Holy Bible. In the book of Proverbs, it gives us biblical knowledge, wisdom, insight, instructions and teaching on how to raise our children and how to structure our households according to God. I encourage you if you have not already read Proverbs to begin reading a chapter a day. Before you do pray and ask God for his wisdom according to James 1:5 and ask him for revelation according to Jeremiah 33:3. If you believe and not doubt, he will give you wisdom and revelation. During this time of my life, I lacked the knowledge of God and I was doing things in my own wisdom.
I love my son but the things I was experiencing regarding the ASD was very stressful. I am the type of person who knows how to hide the hurt, pain and stress pretty well. Although, I was working, going to school online and being a full-time mother, managing our apartment you could not tell. In the picture above is my son having one of his tantrums because he could not get his way. It did not matter where we were at, he would fall out on the floor and I would just sit there and look at him. It got to the point where I was like oh well that is you who wants to be silly. I am just going to sit here and look at you, you will get up. Once he saw I was not giving him the attention he was seeking he got up.
I did not want to bring him anywhere with me because it was always so challenging and stressful to deal with his behavior. I would only bring him if I had no choice to bring him because his father was not home. As a mother we have to make sure we are always on point especially mentally to take care of our children. I would always think about okay let me make sure I do this for Shawn. Let me make sure I do not forget to pick him up from school so I set my alarm clock always 15 to 30 minutes before time. I always made sure I did not forget or leave him in the car so I would always look in the back seat before I opened the door to my car.
Even when I knew he was not in the car I practiced doing these things to ensure I was being a responsible mother and not allowing stress to cause me to forget about my child. If I was running behind from work, I would always call the therapy school and tell them ahead of time. I spent a lot of time in fear that I was not doing enough or I need to do more. I could hardly relax but I had to put his needs first over mine. I begin to gain a lot of weight and was almost at pre-diabetes. I was almost my pregnancy weight I was like 230 pounds. I begin to make a change in my life after I had one doctor visit and I realized that I needed to take care of myself and health so that I can have a long life with my son. I did not want something to happen to me and leave him in the world without a mother. Besides I had lost my mother to brain and lung cancer in 2008 I already knew how that felt.